Celibacy has many advantages, including allowing me to grow and become aware of myself, although there have been quite painful periods.
No matter where you are in your life, it is essential to take an inventory of the habits and decisions that contribute to your happiness. Being single may be a choice for some, but for those who haven’t found love despite their best efforts, here are 5 reasons that may explain it and some tips to help you:
You haven’t found love cause you need to fill a void
There is no faster way to push someone away than to need them to fill a gap. Wanting someone and needing them is totally different. When you feel the urge to be with someone, it’s a state of mind where you feel incomplete or have an emotional void and try to fill that void with a relationship.
Many people confuse people’s aversion to need with their alleged aversion to commitment. In fact, the majority of people are not afraid of commitment and will start a relationship if they are seen and appreciated for who they are. However, they will leave if they feel they are only there to fill a void.
Advice :
The need to fill a void stems mainly from low self-esteem. You feel that something is missing in you and think that bringing someone into your life will fill the gap.
However, if you weren’t happy before the relationship, you won’t be happy in the relationship. Work on your relationship with yourself to feel happy and fulfilled without a partner.
You haven’t found love because you have too many criteria
Most people are usually at one extreme or another: desperate and willing to take it all in, or too demanding and don’t want to “settle” for anything less than the person of their dreams. We live in a society where we have developed an idea of love which is mostly unrealistic.
We often hear it said that “love triumphs over everything, but in reality, love is not everything in a relationship”. There are also many people who say they prefer to be alone rather than poorly accompanied. But that mindset can keep them from having great, life-changing encounters just because the person doesn’t meet one of their criteria.
It’s okay to have certain criteria, but it’s a shame to close your doors to love just because the person doesn’t meet some of your criteria. Maybe you don’t like her dress style or her job or something else, but that doesn’t tell us who that person really is, and as you get to know them more, you might find that they’re a kind and caring person who deserves to be given a chance.
Advice :
Make a list of the three qualities that you absolutely look for in a person. Then if you meet someone and you don’t feel the little spark, don’t close. Unless something really turned you off about that person, stay open-minded and get to know them better. Spend more time with that person and you might have a nice surprise.
You haven’t done any work on yourself
If you don’t like yourself, you tend to go to people who won’t treat you well because you think it’s what you deserve. If you are not emotionally available, you will attract someone who is also emotionally unavailable.
To find a deep, genuine relationship, you need to be sure that you are emotionally available. Make sure you don’t want a relationship just to fill a void or to make you feel better. If you have low self-esteem, you will seek validation from the outside.
Advice:
If you want to enter into a stable and healthy relationship with an emotionally available person, you must first develop these same qualities. This will attract the relationship you desire.
You care about people who don’t really care about you
Desiring someone who doesn’t want you is one of the biggest obstacles to finding love. This person seems to have all the qualities that you are looking for in someone, they attract you so much that you are unable to resist them.
You feel euphoric when the person replies to your messages and makes you think they seem interested in you, but then they disappear and leave you in a painful and uncomfortable situation. Then she comes back to you and disappears again.
Advice :
Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t really want you in their life. Your time is precious, so get down to business and fix what leads you to people who don’t value you. Free yourself from the obstacles that keep you from getting what you really want.
You haven’t found love because your filtering system is broken
Everyone has some sort of filtering system. It is partly due to genetic wiring, but it is mostly shaped by our different experiences.
This system is often based on our interests, desires and fears. For example, if you put several people in a room and have them listen to a speech, then ask them what they remembered, you will only get different answers.
It’s because we hold onto the things that interest us, that serve our interests in some way or another, and we ignore the rest. This also applies to our relationships.
If you’re worried that your partner isn’t engaging the way you want them to, you’ll ignore all signs of their engagement and focus only on the signs that show they don’t want to engage.
We have an innate need to justify our thought patterns, even if they don’t serve us in a positive way.
We all see the world subjectively. Reality is not objective, we shape it both with our experiences and by the way we interpret the things we go through.
Advice :
To be more successful in your relationships, you need to readjust your filtering system to be able to see the good that is around you. You need to be able to recognize and appreciate what is positive about you and your relationship.
As soon as a negative thought arises in your mind, remove it and tell yourself otherwise. This applies to relationships, but you can also use it to improve all areas of your life.
To help you, you can keep a journal. Every day write down a thing or two for which you are grateful. This will get your brain used to focusing on the positive.